Beauty is Everywhere...

I travel the same route to my gym several times a week. Yesterday, I saw this for the first time. How long had it been there? Had it always been there and yet I’d overlooked it? Was it just done a day ago? Surely I hadn’t not seen it….right?

How often do we go through life forgetting to see the wonders around us? Beauty is EVERYWHERE! We must learn to take the time to see it.

Queen Ifrica - Far Away (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

Sometimes you just gotta envision what you wish to manifest.

Learning to Live with the Minor

I will spare you the details of this past week’s drama, but suffice it to say that drama combined with the event I’m about to describe may help you as much as it has helped me.

Monday, as I was rushing to get ready for work/class, I ran down stairs with my shoes in hand. As soon as I hit the bottom step, I dropped the shoes and went directly into the kitchen to try and to get some food together for breakfast and for the rest of the day. As the microwave purred away I ran back across the den to grab my laptop and bag. Just as I reached for the bag a horrible pain shot through the bottom of my foot; I’d stepped on a binder clip! I didn’t have time to nurse my pain so I just hobbled back across the den with my bag in hand and threw my feet into my shoes to rush out of the door.

Because the shoes I had chosen to wear had been worn once before, I felt it a little strange that the right shoe seemed to be hurting the sole of my foot unlike it had ever hurt before. It wasn’t enough to pay attention to, but it was enough to occasionally make me think of my foot throughout the day.

When I finally made it home later that evening, I removed both of my shoes—as is my usual ritual. When I took the right one from my foot, I noticed a small round stain in the bottom of the shoe. I didn’t pay much attention to it but I did wonder where the stain had come from. After all, these were new shoes! I didn’t spend too much time worrying about it and went on with my evening. I enjoyed a little relaxation and then turned in for a well-rested sleep a few hours later.

The next morning during my daily bubble bath, I noticed that the bottom of my right foot was a little sore but I didn’t pay much attention to it. I went ahead and got ready to tackle my new day. Later, when I returned home and kicked off my shoes as usual, I decided to finally look at the bottom of my foot. Imagine my surprise when I noted a small puncture wound surrounded by a blue bruise!

This whole time that I’d been ignoring the minor pain, I’d actually been allowing a small wound to go unnoticed and untreated. I sat down to think—not only because of the wound, but because of some other things that were going on with me. And here’s what I came away with: If we do not take the time to reflect on those small things that nag at our skin, at our emotions, at our heart—then they can develop into bigger things that are not as easily addressed. What if I had gone even longer without actually looking at the bottom of my foot? The wound could have become infected and caused all kinds of issues—all because I did not address my initial minor pain.

Sometimes we allow people to offend us in minor ways never taking the time and responsibility for telling them how we feel. Often, it’s simply because we ourselves have not taken the time to interrogate our emotions and the reasons for them. What usually happens when we do this is that the tiny, minor irritations build and fester inside of us until our reactions to something equally as minor are blown way out of proportion. Then, we lash out uncontrollably and illogically. We hurt others around us because we have not addressed our own discomforts.

I am learning to speak my truth even in the small moments of discomfort. I am promising myself to address even the most minor of irritations so that when the time is right, I can handle anything that life throws at me.

Peace, Love, & Light,
tdp

My nightly affirmation for the next 7 days....

Baby Suggs Holy is one of those literary characters that exists beyond the written word. She is a timeless sage, whose spirit is not contained on a page. For the next seven days, I will read the following sermon (from Toni Morrison's Beloved) so that I can remind myself of what living life fully is really all about--loving one's Self.

“Here,” she said, “in this here place, we flesh; flesh that weeps, laughs; flesh that dances on bare feet in grass. Love it. Love it hard. Yonder they do not love your flesh. They despise it… No more do they love the skin on your back. Yonder they flay it. And O my people they do not love your hands. Those they only use, tie, bind, chop off and leave empty. Love your hands! Love them! Raise them up and kiss them. Touch others with them, pat them together, stroke them on your face ‘cause they don’t love that either. You got to love it, you! And no, they ain’t in love with your mouth. Yonder, out there, they will see it broken and break it again.What you say out of it they will not heed…What you put into it to nourish your body they will snatch away and give leavins instead. No they don’t love your mouth. You got to love it."

"This is flesh I’m talking about here. Flesh that needs to be loved. Feet that need to rest and to dance; backs that need support; shoulders that need arms, strong arms I’m telling you. And oh my people, out yonder, hear me, they do not love your neck unnoosed and straight. So love your neck; put a hand on it, grace it, stroke it, and hold it up. And all your inside parts that they’d just as soon slop for hogs, you got to love them. The dark, dark liver - love it, love it, and the beat and beating heart, love that too. More than eyes or feet… More than your life-holding womb and your live-giving private parts, hear me now, love your heart. For this is the prize."

It's All About Choice

The past several years have been chocked full of emotional highs and lows. Although for quite a while I blamed others for some of my misfortunes, I have come to know that everything that happens to me is a result (more or less) of my own choices. When I allowed myself to overlook red flags in my path, when I turned a blind eye to my own instinct and intuition, when I closed my eyes to the blessings around me and became distracted by the woulda/coulda/shouldas, I was choosing to allow drama into my life.
I give thanks to Spirit, friends, and family that things are MUCH different now. Not necessarily because there aren’t still difficulties in my life—but because I have now allowed myself to deal with them with all of my senses. I no longer make decisions from over-rationalizing or from over-analyzing, but from allowing my logic to be directed by my heart. I feel openly and believe that I am my best me when I choose to trust my own feelings when I make decisions.
I am also learning that my best me is more conscious when it comes to the decisions I make. Every choice, every decision, every movement I make comes with its own consequence(s). Instead of jumping blindly into foolishness I am now allowing my faithfulness to be supported by patience and insight. I’m still a novice when it comes to living in this way, but I am very excited by the possibilities that come along with it.
I am determined to live more aligned with my Divine purpose. I give thanks that I have chosen to do so.

Peace, Love, & Light,
tdp

Down by the River...

I haven’t posted in a while but I am still dating myself. I’ve been to the movies, to dinner, and today I spent some afternoon time at the river. Interestingly, the more time I spend dating myself, I find that men have been seemingly more interested in me. I knew theoretically that loving one’s Self opened the door for love, but I didn’t know—the way that I’m beginning to know—that Self love actually makes one more attractive. In the words of my loctician, Self love radiates from an individual and actively vibrates the space around him/her. (Believe me I was blushing when the brotha was telling me I moved the room when I entered it—it might have been game, but it did make a sista smile, lol.)

Anywhoo, I wanted to share what happened at the river today. So, I went to my spot—a nice little nature trail that leads directly down into the river. I packed a lunch and went to spend some time there to listen, watch, and learn from the water. I enjoyed my lunch, checked my phone for messages, and then decided to just lean back on the bench to look at the trees. And that’s when it caught my attention. The limbs just above the water were catching the sun’s reflection and were shimmering in gold. The beauty of it captured my breath and held it for a bit before releasing it in a soft exhale. Voila! There was the message that I came to the river to receive.

Just as my loctician had noticed about me, the water was confirming that when one is living in accordance with his/her purpose and doing so joyfully without restraint, the environment around him/her will glow with beauty. The beauty does not really come from the individual; instead, the beauty is the beauty of Spirit. When we forget our connection to nature and to others, it suppresses our own potential for beauty. However, when we allow ourselves to live as an organism intimately and inherently codependent on the environment around us, we literally glow and cause the space around us to glitter.

Let’s just say I’m learning to love the sparkle.

Peace, Love, & Light,
tdp

A Lesson Learned...

When I had the opportunity to go to Ghana last summer, I wanted to bring my three-month old nephew (at the time) something back. When I saw the tiny drum in the craft market, I knew I had to get it.

Needless to say, a three-month old had no interest in the tiny drum covered in kente cloth even if it did make a really cool sound when I hit it with his tiny hand. So, my mother put it up on a shelf where the rest of us could “enjoy” it. But that’s not really what a drum is for is it? It’s meant to be heard, to respond to the manipulations of one’s hands, to resound loudly in chorus or alone. That’s what a drum is made to do. Nonetheless, the tiny drum sat high away from my nephew’s hands and remained still and quiet.

Last month, my not-so-tiny any more nephew turned a year old. While I was home, helping prepare the house for his birthday party, something told me to move the drum down to a level that he could reach. I didn’t put it in his toy box, and I didn’t make a big deal about moving it. What I did do was hit the tiny surface before I placed it on the low sub-woofer next to the TV.

Two or three days later, I had forgotten that I’d even moved it. My nephew, who is a lover of all music, toddled over to the area of the drum and pondered it for a split second. Before we knew anything, he’d snatched it from its perch, squatted with it, and placed it right side up on the floor in front of him. With not a moment’s hesitation, his little hands started hitting the skin and he grinned in delight.

It was cute when it happened. But I don’t think I internalized the lesson until today. I learned two important things. First, the drum did not forget its purpose just because everyone else around it did. And second, no one has to teach children to do what is already in their nature. As an Akan wisdom statement says, “No one points out Nyame (God) to a child.”

It does not matter if everyone else fails to recognize your Divine purpose in this life as long as when the time is right you are ready to step into your Divinely appointed position. That drum didn’t forget how to make noise just because it was up on a shelf where it wasn’t touched. It simply waited and Spirit moved those around it in such a way that it finally got its chance to shine (or sound as it were). Moreover, no one had to remind the drum, or the Spirit within my nephew, what to do when the time was right. Both the drum and my nephew had the Divine intuition to simply do what was most natural for each of them to do. So here’s what I learned: When we are in tune with the timing of the Divine—allowing ourselves to be moved and to be ready—music happens.

In Peace, Love, and Light,
tdp

Beautiful Quote...

‎"Old age is not meant to be survived alone," Man Rapadou said, her voice trailing with her own hidden thoughts. "Death should come gently, slowly, like a man's hand approaching your body. There can be joy in impatience if there is time to find the joy." — Edwidge Danticat, The Farming of Bones

How Can You Miss Someone You’ve Never Met?

Tonight, I feel like I miss someone. So I’ve been searching my mind trying to figure out just which ex- has got my mind in such a state after a relatively good day. The best that I can come up with is that I don’t miss a particular person. Instead, I miss having someone.

There is a certain comfort in just knowing that you’ve crossed someone’s mind during the day…of knowing that they’re watching the clock until it’s time to see you just as you are doing for them. There is a certain warmth that comes from knowing that when you get home there will either be someone there to hold you or someone to call you and check on your day.

I think that’s what I miss. I miss intimacy. Sigh. I hope that it comes (back) soon.

Loving Me...

“Everything I’ve learned about myself, my capacity to love, my glaring contradictions, my ugly insecurities, my magical ability to heal, I’ve learned by being in relationship with others. Work is so important, and sometimes life saving, but we are here to be in relationship with one another.” ~dream hampton

I had it all wrong!

There was a time when I believed that I needed a man. (I still do, but follow me for a moment.) Once upon a time, I thought that having a man would prove to the rest of the world that I was beautiful. I wasn’t necessarily seeking validation FROM a man but from those that would “see” our relationship.

See, I presumed that having a boyfriend proved to the world that I was desirable, attractive, and full of value. If a man found it pleasurable to be in a relationship with me, I assumed the relationship, no matter how toxic it was behind closed doors, would demonstrate to others that I was beautiful inside and out. Because of these beliefs, I placed way too much emphasis on having a male in my life instead of a man. (Yes, we all should know that there is a difference.)

Over the years, I learned the painful lesson that no man, no single person period, can bring you joy. No single person can complete you. No single person, other than you, can prove anything about who or what you are or will become. And because of that, no one has to tolerate an unhealthy relationship—of any nature—to achieve these things.

True joy, true beauty, true happiness? They all manifest from deep within. A terrible relationship cannot bring these things to us; it can only push them further away. Putting our energy (and therefore our power) into maintaining a dis-eased communion is a waste of effort. The time we spend nurturing, sexing, cooking for, pretty-ing up for someone else should be spent nurturing, cooking for, pretty-ing up for, and yes, even sexing ourselves. When we put our energy into our own wellness, then that’s when what we really want will blossom in and around us….joy, beauty, and love.

(Now, let me get back to the fact that I still believe that I need a man. I no longer need a man to complete me. Now, I need a man to complement me. I want someone to be a partner and a lifelong comrade with whom I can make tomorrow a perfect day to do and to be better. But until he comes, I will continue to learn to love myself for all of my good, bad, and ugly.)

Peace, Love, and Light,
tdp

True Beauty...

This past week, my 99-year old grandmother was crowned the Queen of her assisted care living facility. That’s right, this beautiful elder won her beauty pageant! As I go about trying to clean up my eating and become (re)dedicated to physical activity attending her pageant was just the right medicine to keep me motivated but also to allow me to step back and see just what kind of beauty I truly seek for myself.

I was reminded, watching her and the other women making their way across the “stage,” that true beauty is marked by one’s service to his/her families, commitment to excellence, and to grace and dignity. Beauty is NOT inherently linked to one’s waist or bust size, nor to the length of one’s hair or the color of one’s skin. No. True beauty is the mark of one’s character.

This is not to say that one cannot , or should not, seek to beautify their exterior Self. However, if that individual does not also invest in the beautification of their inner Self , then the outer will matter nil. Further, if a potential mate values the outer over the inner, then that mate’s worth needs to be questioned.

I am convinced that when we live in accordance with our Higher Selves—that is the part of us intimately related to Spirit—then we are indeed beauty personified. And that kind of beauty, my friends, doesn’t require a sash or roses to be rewarded. Our daily lives become more beautiful when we celebrate the beauty of just being whom and what we have been made to be.

So, this week, as I meet with my trainer and shop at the farmer’s market, I will also be sure to create and implement some beautification rituals that will work on the “real” me too—the one that has to be experienced to truly be seen.

Here’s to manifesting beauty!

Peace, Love, and Light,
tdp

Saw this on another website....

“Women of color in america have grown up within a symphony of anger, at being silenced, at being unchosen, at knowing that when we survive, it is in spite of a world that takes for granted our lack of humanness, and which hates our very existence outside of its service. And I say symphony rather than cacophony because we have had to learn to orchestrate those furies so that they do not tear us apart. We have had to learn to move through them and use them for strength and force and insight within our daily lives. Those of use who did not learn this difficult lesson did not survive. And part of my anger is always libation for my fallen sisters.”

Audre Lorde, “Uses of Anger”

Grateful

As part of my journey I am learning to celebrate all that it means to be me. One project that can be done often to facilitate this celebration is the creation of a gratitude journal. I used to keep one a few years ago, but I think I'll pick it back up. Every few days or so I would sit and do a free-write on all those things for which I was grateful. My lists tended to vary from the very important (my loving family ) to the seemingly trivial (Jill Scott's new single). It was funny that no matter what mood I was in when I started my list, by the end of it I was in a better mood.

Too often we spend time thinking about where we are lacking and what we need. However, where our minds and attention flow, so too does the energy of creation. When we choose to spend time focusing on those things we do not like, we are failing to send energy to those things for which we are grateful. As the old folks say, "what we resist persists." In other words, the time and energy we spend lamenting about our lack of energy could be spent in the sun enjoying nature (and refueling our cells). The energy we spend complaining about boredom could be spent getting lost in a book. The time we spend hating our physical bodies could be spent creating recipes for clean, healthy eating or in the gym using our muscles.

Elders have said that we should claim all victories and accept no defeat. This applies to our attention as well. Celebrate those little things that make you who (and what) you are. Those minute details that others criticize? Take only a few minutes to reflect on their truth and then either (1) use this information to do and to be better or (2) toss it out of your mind and keep moving.

There is joy all around us, let us be grateful for the opportunity to tap into it at will. Choose happiness through gratitude and joy will abound. Tomorrow is a new day to be and to do better.

Peace, Love, & Light,
tdp

Ready for someone who thinks like this....

Bob Marley on how to love a woman

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

- Bob Marley

Our First Date (Me, Myself, & I)

Today was pretty good. I went to the zoo all by myself! As I pulled up to a full parking lot and searched for parking along the street, my heart started racing. What was I doing?! Everyone would be staring at me. I’d look like a fool walking around taking pictures all by myself. But……. I fought the anxiety and gathered my things and got out of the car. Courage doesn’t mean anything if you don’t use it.

By the time I got up to the ticket booth, I could feel my anticipation mellowing. I looked around and realized—no one was paying me any attention. And in that moment? I felt FREE. The weather was beautiful and the animals were amazing. Mother Nature is truly a gorgeous thing. After several hours, I decided to treat myself to my favorite—pad thai.

After a late lunch, I caught the –itis LOL. I came home and cuddled on the sofa for a while. If I had been with a man, I would’ve thought this was a perfect date. And I must admit, even without a man, the day has been pretty great. But then….

I was tooling around on FB and saw that the last man I was dealing with was joking with a mutual friend. This man who disappeared on me last week without notice was going on with life as usual as of I didn’t even exist. It blew my high. I sucked it up and went outside to walk the dog and try to clear my head. And what did I see? A mother teaching her son to ride a bike. (See my previous entry about Forgotten Women to understand what that means to me) Two hits to the heart in a matter of minutes. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!!

Now, I’m sitting here trying to get myself together…again. Even though I’m feeling some kinda way right now, I will still enter today in the W column. I won and tomorrow is a new one to do and to be better.

Peace, Love, and Light,
tdp

To paraphrase a friend

Sometimes we do not find out we are strong until we are given the heavy loads.

For the Women Like Me...

To the Forgotten Women
Mother’s Day has been a very painful day for me for the last five or six years. It seems selfish to even type that, but it’s my most honest statement about what the day symbolizes for women like me who desperately want a baby but have not (yet) been blessed in that way. Every year, I am reminded of the failures that led me to this place—childless, husbandless, incomplete. Every year, I try to honor the mothers around me while still dealing with unparalleled feelings of failure because I do not have children. See, I’m not a typical modern woman with feminist leanings. I am an old-fashioned Southern woman who thinks a woman’s ultimate and most powerful duty is to bear and to raise children with a responsible man.

So again, like the many years before, I spent the last few days pouting about my fate—feeling hopeless and lonely about the possibilities that may or may not present themselves. Then today, my ancestors spoke loudly and clearly and reminded me that:

I am a Mother (though not yet in flesh).

I birth words that change the world around me.

From my womb leaps creativity as courageous as Kirikou,

as powerful as Sango,

as beautiful as Erzulie.

I am a Mother because I birth myself through and from my own tears.

So today when I gave my female ancestors their flowers, I bought some just for the Mother that lives already within my skin. Happy Mother’s Day to all of the Women just like me.

~tdp

The Mission

Somewhere along the line, I think I forgot to love myself. And for the last two years I’ve been learning to be single again. It’s been a long and painful journey, but I’m now at a place where I’ve begun to understand that real happiness comes from within. No single person (not even a gorgeous, intelligent man) should be more responsible for my joy than me.

This blog will be about me learning to love me. As is the case in any relationship, true love begins with getting to know your partner. This will be a place where I document the journey of me getting to know me. I’m pretty sure that during the process I will fall in love with myself all over again.

I’m excited about the possibilities and hope that my journey encourages someone else to take the time to explore what it means to be them and to love the process and themselves immensely.

Here’s to living fully, sensually, and joyfully.

Peace, Love, & Light,

tdp