I had it all wrong!

There was a time when I believed that I needed a man. (I still do, but follow me for a moment.) Once upon a time, I thought that having a man would prove to the rest of the world that I was beautiful. I wasn’t necessarily seeking validation FROM a man but from those that would “see” our relationship.

See, I presumed that having a boyfriend proved to the world that I was desirable, attractive, and full of value. If a man found it pleasurable to be in a relationship with me, I assumed the relationship, no matter how toxic it was behind closed doors, would demonstrate to others that I was beautiful inside and out. Because of these beliefs, I placed way too much emphasis on having a male in my life instead of a man. (Yes, we all should know that there is a difference.)

Over the years, I learned the painful lesson that no man, no single person period, can bring you joy. No single person can complete you. No single person, other than you, can prove anything about who or what you are or will become. And because of that, no one has to tolerate an unhealthy relationship—of any nature—to achieve these things.

True joy, true beauty, true happiness? They all manifest from deep within. A terrible relationship cannot bring these things to us; it can only push them further away. Putting our energy (and therefore our power) into maintaining a dis-eased communion is a waste of effort. The time we spend nurturing, sexing, cooking for, pretty-ing up for someone else should be spent nurturing, cooking for, pretty-ing up for, and yes, even sexing ourselves. When we put our energy into our own wellness, then that’s when what we really want will blossom in and around us….joy, beauty, and love.

(Now, let me get back to the fact that I still believe that I need a man. I no longer need a man to complete me. Now, I need a man to complement me. I want someone to be a partner and a lifelong comrade with whom I can make tomorrow a perfect day to do and to be better. But until he comes, I will continue to learn to love myself for all of my good, bad, and ugly.)

Peace, Love, and Light,
tdp